BlueSUV.org Status: Unexplained Closure
Tags: Detour Madness, Local Conspiracy, “Maintenance,” Blue SUV Sighting
Summary:
County Road 17 was closed—again—this time with no notice, no workers, and no visible damage. Signs simply appeared overnight: ROAD CLOSED. LOCAL TRAFFIC ONLY. Except, no local traffic was allowed either. Barricades, cones, and a single orange vest hanging from a fence like a warning flag were all that marked the scene. Residents report detouring for 11 miles only to loop back to where they started.
Witness Accounts:
“It’s the third time this year they’ve shut it down. Last time they claimed a ‘sinkhole audit.’ What the hell is a sinkhole audit?”
– Karen M., who attempted to attend a book club and instead ended up at a Dollar General in another county.
“I saw the Blue SUV parked just behind the barricades. No driver. Engine humming like it was purring. Then my radio turned to static and started playing the weather in Morse code.”
– Cra Cra La (verified handwriting)
“That road’s not even on Google Maps anymore. It just says ‘Area Redacted.’”
– IT guy who tried to bypass the detour and got rerouted through a cemetery.
Theories (Submitted by Users):
- Construction Scam #349B: The county closes roads that don’t need repair so they can get paid for fake contracts. The Blue SUV monitors who figures it out.
- Time Loop Containment Zone: Every time it’s reopened, people start repeating the same day until someone sneezes backward.
-
Blue SUV Fuel Harvesting: It’s drawing energy from the ley lines beneath the road. Closure prevents interference.
Current Status:
Still closed. Still no construction. Local authorities have yet to respond to FOIA requests, and one drone sent to investigate disappeared mid-flight—returning 14 hours later with footage of corn whispering.
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